Animal Collective

I still don't get Animal Collective. I don't get the blogboy fascination. I don't get the critical darlingness. I'm more likely to successfully explain string theory to a retarded nine year old Chinese than make any sense of the common obsession with AC.

Rejected album art 1:

Or wait: I have one idea. Have you ever had that feeling that like you're lost and out of touch with shit and can't make sense of life and you tried reading Camus and Judy Blume and Harper's and tripping acid and smoking pot and searching for some experience that felt real or something like there was some piece of information out there that if you could just get your hands on it that maybe then things would all work out?

There is no book out there that everyone else is reading that makes them get it. There is no drug. There is no band. Animal Collective is not the second coming of jack shit. Their music sucks and I can't imagine a single working thinking person out there hearing AC and having any other thought than "What the fuck was that?"

I read the unreadable Pitchfork review and it's not that I disagree or think it to be bad writing or anything but I don't see how anyone who has ever read less than 100,000 words of music criticism could have made it through a paragraph. I didn't just pull that number out of my ass. Indie music has this stupid barrier to entry that punk and metal and rap and electronic and... don't have.

Lower it? Well maybe not, but let's save our exaltations for something that everyone can appreciate.

I guess that's all I really got.

Mamma Sia!

Believe it or not I somehow entirely missed the album released by Sia via Australia via the Starbucks imprint this year. Of course I've also been inside of a Starbucks store for about ten total minutes in my life.


I was reading up on the top albums of the year and I found a list which had the error of having Sia at number one. I think it might have been a joke list because it also had Fleet Foxes and Coldplay up there in the top ten. So I had to check me out some Sia and I found out she used to be in Zero 7 which gave her at least some credibility. First song I found is the below linked jam "Buttons" which is super catchy (Thank You CSS) and spuriously lifted my expectations.

So then I wasted 30 seconds of my life walking over to my living room to visit one of the three Starbucks locations in my apartment where I was hoping to find her album. I either did that or I wasted 30 seconds downloading it for free from soulseek. Either way I'm never getting those 30 seconds back.

Before I fell asleep 11 seconds into the first track I remember starting to think that this was quite possibly the most unobjectionable music I've ever heard in my - and then I fell asleep - which is also to say that it is also probably the most unlistenable album of 2008.

But somehow CSS remixed this song "Buttons" and turned it into a really killer track worth checking out.

Acting is hard

I'm also throwing in "Breathe Me" because I'm pretty sure it was used to score the montage in the recent Ben Affleck/Hugh Jackman/Richard Gere + Goldie Hawn Jr./Jennifer Aniston/Julia Roberts film during the part where the male lead storms out of the Hospital/4-Star Restaurant/Wall Street Skyscraper/Crackhouse where he has been neglecting his female lead for far too long and sprints (tracking shot) through the rainy streets of New York/Seattle/Boston/Philadelphia, darting through the offices of the up-and-coming fashion brand/chocalatier/newspaper (editorials floor)/ where he finds the initially impassive female lead who puts her thin well-manicured hand to her mouth, doesn't know to laugh or cry, does both and just as Sia rasps "Be my Friend. Wrap me up. Hold me. Unfold me. I am Sma-a-a-a-all and Needy. Warm me up and Breath me," they embrace each other, make out and roll credits.

Sia - "Buttons" (CSS Remix)
Sia - "Breathe Me"

O wait looks like Coke has already used Sia. It's the one where the retarded kid wins gold and cries about it. LOL I thought this was some Ben Folds song LOL.

Please Refrain From Purchasing the Hyperbole

This is the first installment of a series I've always wanted to do. Basically bloggers like to talk on and on about how one or another artist is all great and then other bloggers start to think to themselves - "o well I better write something about this artist as well or I won't be interhip," and then you just end up in this quagmire of bloated talk about an artist who's music just isn't all that great but just happens to be the artist of the moment. E.g. Tapes n Tapes, Joanna Newsome. So this little feature is where I'll point out who those artists are and why you should maybe give a second thought to purchasing the hyperbole.


St. Vincent (Annie Hall) has eyes that are so big you'd think she was about to eat your grandmother. According to her press photos she also enjoys wearing garbage bags, pretending to be lost, and standing barefoot in puddles of water while holding giant metal rods towards darkening thunderclouds.

She actually plays the guitar pretty well but she sings like a fed up Mary Poppins. Probably the only tolerable song I have heard from her with the possible exception of a cover of "These Days," a song which I had previously thought to be unbutcherable is called "Now, Now." The song is accented by these precious little guitar harmonics and for four minutes Annie manages to channel her innate cuteness.

The rest of the songs sound as if they were recorded to soundtrack a musical where Woody Allen has imprisoned her in the dungeon of a transylvanian castle, lets her out for two days in Prague, and then forces her back into the dungeon to compose an album while Woody's neurosis gradually wins her over.

If you still want an mp3 from St. Vincent then I suggest you try the internet - they're giving em out for free everywhere.